ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

_______________

ATTORNEY: Which gear were you in at
the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis,
does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give
us an example of something you forgot?
________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that
when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know
about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.
________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception
(of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
_________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST
be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
__________________

And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on
my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient
have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.